Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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