My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
