Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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