I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
