Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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