He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
