well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
