I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ruined the universe
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
