Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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