I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
