I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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