If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she smelled like a LAN party
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
