i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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