just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your penis caused this!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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