The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
