Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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