Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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