dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
