you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
