so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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