everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
should my penis look like a turkey
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
