She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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