I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just cropdusted the office
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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