evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
