This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
