Dude my mom stole all your condoms
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
