well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
