So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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