sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
