pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
