You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
