This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
