I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
