??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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