If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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