Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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