Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
