If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
one two three fourrrrnication!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
