Already got asked if we're dating
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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