I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
