You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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