My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
