he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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