Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
