The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
