Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
