my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
