Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
