oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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