he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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