I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
