i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
