just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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