u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
