bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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